How to Overcome Your Fears of Going Live With Victoria Lioznyansky

Victoria Lioznyansky teaches introverted entrepreneurs and business professionals how to overcome their fear of public speaking and become confident, compelling, captivating speakers. Taking her own experiences going from scared to sought-after speaker, Victoria founded Brilliant Speakers Academy®, an online public speaking coaching program for introverts. She also owns Nutty Scientists of Houston, a passion project about inspiring kids to fall in love with science.

Show Notes
Links:

Visit Victoria at her website: https://www.byvictorial.com/

Connect with Victoria on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/byvictorial

Grab Victoria's free class: How to Speak Confidently Live on Camera https://www.byvictorial.com/4steps

Episode Transcript:

Lindsay:

Welcome back to the podcast coaches. It's your host Lindsay Maloney here. And before we get started with this episode, I want to share something with you real quick. Have you been to my freebie vault lately? Because I have tons of free workbooks and masterclasses to help you get to the next level in your coaching business. And again, they are all free. All you have to do is go to Lindseymaloney.com, click on free stuff and grab anything you'd like. Enjoy! Welcome back to the Book Your Dream Clients podcast. We have Victoria with us today. She teaches introverted entrepreneurs and business professionals, how to overcome their fear of public speaking and become confident, compelling, captivating speakers. I was really excited to have her on the show because a lot of us have big walls holding us back from going live, online on Instagram, Facebook, whatever it is, even podcasting, you know. Just simply putting out content. It's scary to do that. I get it. And I wanted to get her on the show to help you. She is absolutely brilliant. You are going to love this episode and I guarantee you, you're going to feel inspired at the end to go and schedule your first live or to be more consistent with your lives in general. So sit back, relax and enjoy.

We have Victoria with us and I'm not going to pronounce her last name because it is so exotic. I will butcher it. So I'm going to let Victoria introduce herself, I'm going to let her pronounce it for you. But we're so lucky to have her because she teaches introverted entrepreneurs, which I love, and business professionals, how to overcome their fear of public speaking and becoming confident and compelling captivating speakers. And I'm sure I know that Victoria has listened to the podcast and she knows that I'm an introvert. So I was so excited to hear that she's going to be on because of that one reason. And then the other reason was to help my coaches go from blogging to speaking live, or even just doing a podcast. So I'm really excited to have you on Victoria. Thank you so much for being here. I am so happy to be here and meet you face to face. And by the way, I'll pronounce my last name. Right? I know, I know here, is that going to be a test at the end? Everybody else pronounce Victoria’s last name. Yeah. So you guys understand why I didn't want to so Victoria, tell us a little bit about yourself, how you got started and then what you do and how you got there. 

Victoria (03:00):

Well, the thing about me is that I am actually a serial entrepreneur on top of building a career in the corporate world. I've always been doing a lot of things at the same time. You know, those kinds of people who have a job and a side hustle, and they teach in the evening and like all kinds of things. That's me. And they do, you know, master degrees and stuff. So, yeah, so I was just trying, I'm always trying to squeeze as much as I can into my live because well, I always believe that it's, you're always finding out something new about yourself and my story, how I got to where I am right now, being a public speaking coach, truly didn't lead here at all. At least it feels like it was never meant to be this way. In fact, I was so terrified of public speaking when I was younger, when I was a child, when I was a teenager, when I was in my early twenties, when I moved to the United States, I was so scared.

I could barely speak in front of people. Like even a few people would already be like, “Oh, that's, that's too many”, one-on-one that was still okay. But one to many was terrifying and I lost an awful lot of people. We feel this way because of a lot of different reasons. You know, one of the reasons maybe because we're introverted and we naturally, don't like to be the center of attention. And normally when you speak in front of people, you are becoming the center of attention, right? So that's one of the reasons why I think we're afraid. And then another reason is because when I was very little, when I was 10, I had a truly terrifying experience being all by myself on stage and completely forgetting what I was going to say completely, completely freezing, looking into that huge audience and hearing giggles. And I ran off stage in tears. And after that, I was like, I'm just not good at this. This is not my thing. And, and then all those years, especially when I opened my first business in my mid twenties, and I'm very old, by the way, I opened my first business before Google.

Well, okay. Google, maybe I don't remember if Google was around Facebook, let's just say Facebook and YouTube were not around. Okay. That's how old I am. So I opened my business and you know how, right now you can find the way, even if you really like public speaking, you can find the way to connect to your clients. Well, back then you couldn't because if you, you know, there was no live-streaming. That was like, literally nothing other than truly being face-to-face with people in front of an audience. And I started working through my fear and it took me a very long time because it was trying all of those, you know, common tips and tricks that you still hear, you still hear all the time and the will not working for me. And I know it's not working for a lot of other people either, but I had to kind of forge my own path.

I basically created my own way of overcoming the fear. And then as I continued my career in corporate, as they continue building businesses, I spoke in front of people all the time. And at some point people started coming up to me and saying, “Oh my gosh, you were natural. You're so good at this. You are so confident and you have no fear whatsoever.” And I'm like, well, you're kidding me. I'm so used to being so scared. This is really not my thing. So like, no, this is what you're saying. And because so many people were asking me about this, I actually sat down and I looked back and I'm a former software engineer. So I have very much, you know, left brain. And I sit down and I kind of deconstructed everything that I had to go through.

Every step that I had to make or the mistakes I was making. And that became the foundation of my Brilliance Academy program that I teach right now to my students. So I ended up where I am in a very roundabout way and never in a million years, if you ask me, you know, that day when I ran up stage, you wanted to teach public speaking. Would that ever say, Oh yeah, that's a dream job. So, you know, sometimes all our experiences, everything that we do in life, all those businesses that I've built, they all teach us something that becomes invaluable during the next step. And as a coach, as an entrepreneur, I want you to truly believe that every time something happens and it feels like, Oh, I made a mistake or I failed at something. There is a lesson there is that may not be clear, but it will become clear. That's my story. 

Lindsay  (07:37):

I love your story. It's similar to mine. When I was, I think I was in kindergarten and it was a Christmas program at our church. And I remember standing on by the, where the priest usually stands and we were all standing there. And then I, it just sunk into me that there's all these people in front of me and I, I couldn't handle it. So, I ran off the stage. I'm using finger quotes and I ran off and I went and found my teacher in the audience. And then my family had to grab one of my cousins that was my age and have her go stand up there with me. Cause I was like, Whoa, this is not what we practiced.

I've always been very shy, scared of my shadow. I'd always just want to hang out with my grandma. That was it. I lied to get out of school so I could go be with my grandma. I never felt comfortable around my peers. So it's the same thing. If they would, somebody would have said to me, Oh, someday, you're going to talk a lot. You're going to be on camera. You're going to talk with women all over the world. I would have said, there's no way because I'm going to need somebody to stand beside me. We do have those lessons and those experiences for a reason.

Victoria (08:51):

Right? And they don't define you. That's the main thing you can choose for them to define you. Or sometimes you don't choose. Life just kind of kicks you, but you end up doing something that you never thought you would, but it turns out that you are actually really, really, really good at this. So we're all, but all fine, they'll pass one way or another. And sometimes we find our paths one way. It's just, you just never know. Sometimes it does take time. Sometimes, you know what you're doing at 20. Sometimes you don't know what you're doing in your fifties.

Lindsay (09:22):

Yeah. It's what we're here for though. And we have to just be open to it. So I work with a lot of coaches who are just starting and the thought of sometimes even clamming up in an Instagram account is terrifying because it's putting themselves out there. So they're just like baby steps here. And tell me, tell me what I could say to them. And you know, they're listening right now. What can you say to them when they don't understand? How, why is it important for me to show up and do those uncomfortable things?

Victoria (09:56):

You know, first of all, let me say this thing. And I really want you to remember this because this is very important when we show up in front of an audience, okay? When we speak in front of an audience, whether it's live or virtual, we feel a lot more scared than we appear. Okay. That's the first thing you have to remember. Because a lot of times we don't want to appear scared in front of power, but then the audience. It's like, Oh, they're going to judge me. They're going to think. I don't know anything. That's why I'm scared. Well, first of all, you have to remember they are not going to see you nervous. They're not going to see you scared because they don't expect that to begin with because they are looking at you as someone who is a few steps ahead of them, right?

It could be one step. It could be a hundred steps. But the reason you are coaching is because you are a few steps ahead of them. And so they're looking up to you. They already see you as an expert. And I'm using this term very loosely because a lot of people get really attached to, “I'm not an expert”. Well, everybody is an expert in a way you want may not be an expert to people who are ahead of you, but you're definitely an expert to people who are still looking up to you, who didn't catch up to you the way you are. And that's why you're their coach. Right? And so they already see you as an expert. They are not gonna see you as somebody nervous. So you have to remember, that's the first thing to remember to put yourself at ease is that yes. I feel really, really scared, but they don't see it. 

So I shouldn't put too much emphasis on that. And where do we want to put the emphasis instead on your, why? Why, why are you doing this? Why did you want to be a coach? If you are turning on your camera to do a livestream, a really good question to ask yourself is wait before, before I do this. And yes, I'm scared and everything. But before I do that, why did they decide to become a coach? Is the answer inside of you, right? You will have an answer that I wanted to do this because it lights me up because I can teach something that I'm so good at. And other people really need this. I can change lives. And this is where you want to put the emphasis. And you already know that about business, most likely, right?

But this is something that you need to remember about public speaking as well. It works with the same principles. When you shift the focus away from you and you put it on your audience, then you don't have capacity to think about your fear and think about how you're not good enough and how you're not confident in how you're scared. You don't have the capacity to think about it because all of your focus is on your audience and you can help them. And on that, why? And when you stay focused on that, why, why you helping, why you're even in front of them, that changes things in your mind very significantly because your brain can only focus on one big thing at a time. And if your brain is focusing on your big wine, trying to help your audience, whatever you're saying, you're trying to help in one way or another.

Right? And so when you stay focused on that, when you stay in that zone, your fear goes away simply because your brain is not focusing on that fear and not sending fear symptoms through your body does make sense. But this is very important. But if you alternatively, you know, if you decide, you know what, I'd rather, I just I want to help my clients, but they'd rather stay in the shadows. I'm going to hide behind a computer and not really ever show my face or, or, or be seen as a leader, as an expert. Then as again, I'm not saying anything new, you already know that the only person you're doing a disservice to is a person who actually needs to learn from you. You probably will be okay. Even if you don't show up, your business is not going to grow as much, but it's not really you.

It's gonna be that person, that one person that may be five people on your livestream, but they're going to be one person who's going to walk away from that livestream saying that I truly feel something very different. And she said something that made me reevaluate how I was looking at this problem at this thing. And if you can do that, then you are a remarkable coach. You are remarkable human beings to begin with and you hide him is simply selfish. You're just cheating those people out of your presence. And yes, it's scary, right? Particularly for us introverts. It's very scary. It's not like you want to be, I, I don't want to be in front of a camera. Like, I mean, I'm not afraid to be in front of the camera, but it's not my, in the desire to be in the spotlight as introverts, we may be shy or not shy, but even when we're not shy, it's just not our desire to be seen.

We'd rather be alone. And I want to help my clients alone, you know, working alone. But sadly, that really limits how many people you can. You can help right apart from, it's not really helping you build your business. It really limits how many people you can help. And showing up really opens that big door into the audience that actually really needs to hear what you have to say. And so it's really, really important for you to realize that what you have to say on those live streams on those calls on a podcast, as a podcast host like Lindsay was a podcast guest like me is too important to keep to yourself. Just, just remind yourself that if I don't want to do that recording, if I don't want to do that live stream, I'm just being selfish. That's not good.

Lindsay (16:11):

Right? Yeah. I always, I always tell my students to lead with generosity always. And I think the biggest thing that happens when people think I have to go live and I don't want to do it, I'm gonna put it off is they think that they have to be salesy and that's not what it is. And that's important to understand what Victoria said, go back to your why, why are you even doing this? If your main goal for your coaching business is to make money, then you're listening to the wrong podcast for one, and you're, you're going to hit a wall eventually. And it's going to be really hard to bust through. You should be here to serve people and to help people and to be generous. And you know, I am as guilty as ever. It is not on my priority list to go live and to do Instagram lives or Facebook lives. I can put that thing off forever because I know they're just recorded a podcast, right? But like Victoria said, it's doing people a service. And I think so many people get hung up on the numbers. Okay. Well, if I go live to people that are listening to me once my mom and the other person is like this random, random person that has nothing to do with a dream client. So how do you get over that?

Victorica (17:17):

Well, first of all, you have to remember with Facebook. Even if you have a big audience, even if you have a really big audience, they're going to be only a handful of people live. But the magic of it is that Facebook is still pushing livestreams through their algorithm. They're still being shown to a lot of people. And so people will still see them. People who follow you will still see them. You can do so many things with those lives. If you get over that live and you're like, you know what? This was so good. It was like 10 minutes, but it was just, I was on fire. I was really teaching. Yes, nobody was even there. Even my mum didn't attend, but I was on fire. Well, you know what you can do with this, you can create a little Facebook ad and push it to a cold audience as an engagement ad.

And I'm not the one Facebook expert. I'm just saying there are so many things you can do with it to push it to a wider audience. And then all of a sudden you have a hundred views on it, 5,000 views on it. And all of those people. Now I get in the track that into your circle of influence. So don't look at it as well. Nobody attended. It's not like I'm trying to think what would be, you know, if it were a lot of public speaking there were a lot of public speaking situations than the past. Let's say right before internet, before all of that, where it's not recorded. So let's say you are on stage and only one person in the audience and you're spoken. It's such a waste. And if that person wasn't even your ideal client, you truly wasted your time, but things are different.

Now what you are saying online, if you record the video, here we go. The podcast, if you record a live stream, this lives forever in a good way. Not in a bad way. If you don't like it, you delete it. But then the good way it lives forever. And you can do so many things to push it out. So even if only five people saw it from your audience and you only have 10 followers on your Facebook page, that's fine. Now you can use that live stream to attract more people into your world. Using Facebook ads, you can do so many things, Instagram ads, so many things, right? So you have to remember that the opportunities are there. All you have to do is just be willing to show up as yourself. And I know what's scary, especially when you're just beginning, especially when you're a new coach.

What's really scary is you're going to show up and you're going to be like, I'm not experienced enough. And they may know I'm not experienced enough. And now I have to pretend that I'm this experienced coach. And let me think, Ooh, who do I admire all Marie Forleo. Yay. I'm just going to show up as Marie Forleo. Hey there. And I'm just going to use this New Jersey accent and I'm going to do the hair thing. And you know why we'll love Marie Forleo because she's very Forleo. She's doing herself and she's been doing herself for 15 years now. Right? So what you have to remember is that you have to go there and do yourself. And if you are as out there as Marie Forleo, don't you, if you are a quiet person and naturally soft-spoken and you just quiet, then you're like, you know, just talk, but you're not going all over the place.

Do you, you know why? Because there are going to be people in the audience who need exactly the coaches you are, who like that personality, who are not attracted to a person who is all over the place and is very excited, then everybody says, Hey, gorgeous, right? They're just not attracted to that. But if you are a gorgeous and the all over the place again, do you, because they're going to be people in that audience who are attracted to that, the main thing is you have to remember as long as you stay yourself and think of public speaking as a conversation and not presentation lecture, teaching training, think of it as a conversation. So two things be yourself, have a conversation you're going to be okay. Like, for example, look at this right, Lindsay and I, we are not in the sense presenting, right?

We are not teaching in a big, you know, from a capital T, we are chatting. We're having a conversation with you guys, right? And you're going to do exactly the same thing. You're just going to have a conversation. And people on that other side of the camera are going to be participating in that conversation by ease. If we can comment or like, or maybe not even acknowledge, and you know, how many live streams I watched, where I was blown away and forever grateful to the coach and became the follower and brought and bought the programs without ever acknowledging them in that live stream, silent followers. They never knew that I admired them so much. It just never occurred to me to put anything in the comments. So you may be finishing the live stream and there are zero likes, zero comments. And you're like, I'm not good enough.

Yes, you are good enough. There are people on that other side who probably saw you and were truly inspired by you, but they just didn't put a comment in. So you can't measure your value. You can't measure your worth by just how many people watch live or how many people have watched later. If you want more people to watch later, there are so many ways to do it. And again, pay the advertising. And the little bit of money, the engagement ads work like magic. But regardless, you just have to believe that there are people in that audience who are X number of steps behind you. And you are a perfect coach for them because not only do you know exactly what they need to know to catch up the way you are, meanwhile, you're going to go ahead. Of course, but also because your personality matches theirs.

Lindsay  (23:19):

No. Think about it. You know, my intro hurts. I never comment on videos because I'm just not like that. I just want to be the observer. Right. So I can't expect my introverts to do something that I don't do myself. Yeah. Sometimes we just kind of expect things that aren't, you know, reality. But what about the type of brain who needs like, okay, I need structure. If I'm going to go live, I know exactly what I'm going to say, how I'm going to say it to me that I can't do that, that, that freaks me out. I just want to be more conversational, right? Like this style I have to do on a live. It gives me a topic. I can talk about it, but don't give me a script. No way. I know there are the people who want the script. And I think that holds them back from going live. So what are your suggestions?

Victoria (24:07):

You, well, first of all, you have to decide what kind of a person you are. There is no wrong approach. Okay. You can be exactly what you just described, where you go like, okay, well today let's say you're a health coach, right. Going to mention the health just because we all relate to that. Let's say I'm a health coach. And today I'm just going to talk about exercising for 10 minutes every day and how beneficial it is. And I don't even need to think about it because I know it in and out. I'm not even going to make any notes. I'm just going to go with the flow. I know I'm going to talk about benefits. That's all I know. And you're kind of a person who will turn on the camera. And again, remember you're having the conversation. So you're not putting any pressure on yourself to, to, to create something extraordinary.

You were just having a conversation. And so you are talking as Eve, there were people, even if you see that nobody's watching, you're talking, they will, let's say there was a person on that as a site who was your perfect ideal client who really needed to know about the 10 minute workout, because they are not doing it at all. And so you'll have the conversation with one, Hey, you know, if you're not doing it, let me tell you why. Look, you really think that there is that one person and you're having a one-on-one conversation. So that would be like going with the flow. And you just didn't really, you know, you prepare in the sense that you know what you're going to talk about, but in general you really didn't map it out. But then you could be a complete opposite of that where you're like, I can't just talk.

I'm going to try to have a conversation, but I need to have my points. Nothing all was that. So what'd you do is when you prepare, you create talking points. So you, the easiest way to do it is to decide on the case. So what's going to be my idea. So let's go with the same scenario that you need just 10 minutes. If you may not want to be on, you know, on your elliptical for three hours a day, you only have time for 10 minutes. So let me talk about the benefits of 10 minute exercise and why you need it and how you can find time. So that would be my whole thing, right? So you decide, okay, so that's my topic. What do I want my audience to take away from it? So that's the first thing you have to ask.

How do I want to make someone feel at the end? How do I want to make them feel? And of course it was a topic with legs that you probably want to make them feel inspired today, go for a 10 minute walk. So you want to inspire them to do it and maybe logically understand why it's important. And so the logical brain is like, Oh no, I really do need to do it, but you won't be motivating them. So now, you know, okay, so this is where I'm leading them. You always need to know where you're leading them. And so now you're figuring out talking points, how do I lead them to this conclusion that this is the best thing that they can ever do in their live? It's just 10 minutes. Okay. First of all, let me maybe start with a story.

Maybe let me tell them about the story of me, how I wasn't exercising. Well, maybe let's talk about the story of Suzy, who is my client, who wasn't doing, you know, 10 minute walks and, and that created all kinds of health issues. Okay. So I'm going to talk about Susie. So you make, you don't need to write it all out word for word, because what's going to happen. If you write this out word for word, you're going to be a region you notes. That is not a conversation. Right. And if you're reading your notes, people are like, Oh, you don't know your stuff, right. So you never want to read, you can refer. So if let's say I had my notes here, which I don't, but let's say I had my notes. I would be like, all right. So let me start with, you can quickly look like what case who's you all, then they'll get help as soon as you're like, yeah, I know it.

So you're going to talk for two minutes about Susie. And then you have your next point, which may be, I don't know, something else. And then something else, something else. And then the end of it really leads into them, understanding how important it is. But creating those talking points is easy and you don't have to memorize them. Ideally, you want to memorize. Sometimes you don't have to refer to your notes, but if you don't want to memorize them, that's fine. Have them on a piece of paper. The only read, just refer it to them. But each of those talking points becomes a little conversation. And the more stories you include, the easier it is for you, because it's always easier to talk about Susie or talk about yourself or as a client than to just come up with some, you know, just, just some information or something.

So if you, but if you do need some stats, let's say, and you know that you're going to forget that number, write that down. There's no, there is no shame in saying that. Let me ask you to give you the exact number. And then nobody's judging. Nobody expects you to be perfect because nobody has any idea of what your perfect is. And you showing up as yourself and giving them exactly what they need to hear is perfect in their eyes. And so you need to take this pressure off. I need to show up as someone else who is, looks and acts a lot more confident than I am. No, you just need to show up as yourself. Be yourself, go with the flow goal was your talking points. If that's how you prepare and make sure that you tell a lot of stories, because that will make it easier for you to go into that conversation mode.

And they'll make you feel more relaxed and remember where you're taking them, always remember, this is how I want to make them feel. So, whatever I'm saying is going to lead to that logical conclusion so that they can finish my last June. I was saying that I hope you guys are all going to go right now for a 10 minute walk. And somebody is going to literally turn on the computer. That's exactly what I'm going to do and go walk. Right? So this is just a very quick example, how livestreams don't have to be life-threatening holes. They don't have to be nerve wracking, they don't have to feel like, Oh, it's so much pressure. There's no pressure. You're just having a conversation. Like a friend. There was a friend on the other side. And if it helps, imagine your friends would just imagine some stranger who is like sitting there hanging on your, every word. That's all I have to do.

Lindsay (30:06):

I remember one time, I think it was when Instagram stories first came out and Instagram lives and I was doing an Instagram live about email lists or something like that. And I remember my brother came on and it gave me a heart attack because I was like, I feel so comfortable talking to people. I don't know. But then why are you here? You are freaking me out.

Victoria (30:28):

Sometimes we do have people in the audience who are literally freak us out. And it could be, you know, when we do something virtual online, we do it in real life. Of course now, not a lot of real life, but back in the days my set, my second business, which is, has nothing to do with public speaking, but I've owned a franchise for six years. It's called scientists of Houston. And we teach kids to fall in love with science. So the reason I bring it up is I have a lot of instructors working for me right now with some pause because of COVID. But I used to have a lot of instructors working for him. For me, it was actually, I built it from zero to number one in the country. And that decided is franchises. But anyway, so, so my instructors are working for me, right?

And we're doing shows, we're doing all kinds of things. And sometimes during shows, you don't just have kids. You may have teachers, sometimes parents and I had one instructor who came to me. She said, I can't do shows. I am terrified of doing it in front of adults. I'm perfectly happy with kids. You know me, I'm good with kids all good. But as soon as I see an adult, I may just feel judged. That may happen to you. You may be speaking live and there may be somebody in the audience. It makes you very uncomfortable. It could happen virtually where your brother came up makes you very uncomfortable. Not because you, because he was trying to, but it just makes you uncomfortable. So what you have to do is you lead. And that's what I told my instructor. You literally have to put those blinders on, right?

You have to put those blinders on where physically, but if it's in real life, particularly, you physically do not look at that person at all, never made eye contact with that person. That person doesn't exist. So that if it's a physical world, you're only looking, if it's just kids, you only look at the kids. You never make eye contact with a single adult. Your show is to the kids for the kids, and you are only performing and acting and teaching only to them. Virtually, it's a little harder because you don't physically see them, but in your mind, you have to pretend they don't exist. Take them out of the audience. Mentally, they're already disconnected. They're disconnected already. They are no longer live. And the people, the people who are live are people that want to be. It's not going to be like, you know, just happens. You have to make yourself think that feel that. And it does work.

Lindsay (32:54):

Yes. Ignorance is bliss with that. When I started doing webinars years ago, I would, before I started, I would take a post-it. I would put it on my screen where it would tell me how many people were there, because I wanted to act as if there were, you know, it made me feel better that there would be more there. So all I've heard for a long time. I covered up that number. And so I would come out of the office. My husband would say, how many people were there? I don't know. I just did it.

Victoria (33:22):

I love this. And you know, now, I don't know if you have seen it. I feel like everybody has seen different things right now on Facebook lives. I'm no longer seen as a number.

Lindsay (33:31):

Oh, see, I never watched Facebook lives because I feel they're intrusive.

Victoria (33:36):

I, whenever I do Facebook live and I'm using regular Facebook interface. So if I'm doing Facebook lives all the time, I do them for my students, where the audience there used to be, you could actually see the little eye and next to the eye, you would have a number. And that's the number you would be closing, right. Not to see. And if that number buzzes you, I love this idea. What the posted post small smart was that amazing. No, seriously. It was really cool because I never thought of that. I don't like that number either. So now I don't know if I have some real weird version of Facebook, but for the last, I want say a couple of months, I no longer see a number. It's just the little eye showing that I guess I'm live and it's all happening. And it says live, but it doesn't have the number anymore. So I have, which now irritates me because I want to know if somebody is live because sometimes I want students to actually tell me. And I, and I always in the beginning, I always say, by the way, I can not see who is live. I can not see how many people are live. So if you are watching this live, please let me know in the comments, because I want to feel like I'm talking to you.

Lindsay (34:39):

Yeah. Oh, that's interesting that they don't have that anymore. Maybe I will do Facebook lives.

Victoria(34:47):

Yeah. They've changed the whole interface. But yeah, you have to remember, it's a conversation. And as long as you treat it as a conversation, you are going to feel so much.

Lindsay (34:57):

How do you make time for this? Like, if it's not a big priority of yours, most of us want to stick with, you know, what we're doing. And you know, I have an assigned task every Saturday to go live in Facebook and I'm continuously putting it off. How do you motivate yourself to do it? And to keep doing it?

Victoria (35:15):

I am. I'm the same way. You know, I truly think. And you know, I mean, I don't need to go live without any notes. It's like nothing. I can just go live every day. Do I want to go live? No. Why not? Because I'm afraid of public speaking because I'm an introvert. I don't want to be in the spotlight. Like any time I know tomorrow, and I'm making an effort and I'm going to talk about it, making an effort. But tomorrow I have to go live. I'm particularly looking forward to this. Because again, I am getting myself into the spotlight, which I, my personality is like, I don't want this. This is not me. Me. You know, mean her little behind my computer, but you have to be intentional about it. Right? So what I'm doing this year and she I'm telling you, so now you guys can hold me accountable and yell.

You can come and say, that was your live. I am trying to do lives every week now. And I will put them on my calendar. I literally put it as a task on my calendar. So tomorrow at, I forgot what time, but sometime in the morning I have it that I'm going live. And today I have a task on my calendar to think about my live, because you never want to just have the task go live. And then let's say, you have to go live at 10 o'clock in the morning? And then 9:45. You're frantic because you haven't thought of what you're going to talk about. Or you start making notes and you realize you're just not prepared whenever you're not confident about public speaking. You definitely don't want to go on prepared. And even if you're confident, you never want to go and prepare it to be it.

It's just, it's, it's a show of disrespect to both your audience and yourself. So you want to have those two tasks on your calendar. One for whenever you're doing the actual live. And one the day before, two days before I only need that, I don't need to be like way in advance, but a day before and put it on the calendar as a 15 minute thing, or maybe 30 minute thing, if you need more time, but probably 15 minutes is plenty. So 15 minute tasks where you are going to sit down, you're going to say, okay, what am I going to talk about tomorrow? And you would down your notes, just a few thoughts. And we'll read, you talked about that. Don't make it a big deal. Even if your live is only five minutes, that delivers massive value. And so we need to do, you don't need to go for a 30 minutes live.

In fact, nobody is going to be listening in if it's 30 minutes, I mean, maybe it's really amazing, but you have to understand, right. People are all busy and everything. So those 10 minute lives, five, 10, 15 minute lives. There's a mass because people are watching them that quick. And so make it intentional today. My task is to prepare for my live stream tomorrow. I'm delivering it and then make it the recurring task. So my preparation and my livestream, I recurrent tasks on my calendar. And then I'm just going and make it easy on yourself. Don't feel a lot of pressure to you. And I don't know, you know, show office, Oh, tons of, you know, girls, tons of makeup and having to dress up because then it's like, if you're like me, like, I really can't be bothered. It just, I just, it just, it just takes time and, and, and you become this lazy, you know, these days.

And so I, so I'm not going to let go completely crazy with trying to really dress up and prepare for it because then it becomes a longer thing. And then you'll have more barriers, right. To say me, I'm just not going to do it today. Right. But when you're like, you know what, I'm just going to prepare real quick and get the lights up, go in front of the window. If I have to, don't make a big deal out of anything. Right. Just make it very simple and then go live and do your first live for five minutes. So it says there is no pressure whatsoever. And you know what, if you absolutely hate it, let's say it was your first live and you and you, and you just let's say, you just did something so bad. Like you don't want to leave that live deleted.

It's not a big deal. And if you want to be more prepared for lives, then maybe practice your lives just with a video camera. Just so it's more like a real situation where you still have a camera and recording and everything, right. You're not going to post it anywhere. It's just for you, but it will give you a sense of being recorded speaking while being recorded. And so it's kind of like a dress rehearsal for your live does that, but you can not even imagine how many lives I had to delete primarily because something was worried. It wasn't working on my dog started barking at the beginning of my live. Like he literally started barking so loudly that I was, I'm like old blush. I feel so embarrassed. Like all I had to see was hi everyone. And right after that, my bog was barking. And I'm like, I'm sorry, I'll be right back. Well, it's live. Deleted the dog, come down, come back live. Nobody knows because that a live was deleted. 

Lindsay (40:19):

I have a funny story. I remember I see this. This is why it's fun to have those conversations to tell really humiliating stories. I was doing a Facebook live a couple of years ago. I think it was starting a challenge I was doing. And I totally forgot about this. You brought, you brought a bad memory back, but my, my I used, I have a closet in my office and I used to have all my clothes in there. And my daughter came in, she was like one years old and she came in and she was over there. She was playing. And then she came over to me and I kept pushing her out of the way and pushing her out of the way. And she was just like, what is going on? She kept trying and trying. I said, I have to go because my daughter has my underwear on her head and I don't want her to be on camera. So you are going to run into funny things like that, but it's going to make people feel so connected to you because you made them laugh. And they're like, Oh my goodness, my kid did this. And then you get conversations going and then relationships build. So don't be afraid to let crazy things happen.

Victoria (41:24):

Right? No, this is such a good point. He knows the only reason I actually stopped mine because I don't have like a poodle or anything. I have a German shepherd. And when he barks Mike, my table, my everything shakes everything. And, and it was, I just knew I couldn't believe it because people would be like somebody's heart attack. So that's why I deleted it. But, but you know, if something cute happens, if something funny happens, if anything at all exists happens, that may feel a little bit embarrassing. Like you're not a professional. You have to remind yourself that being a professional means, you know your stuff and you show up on time. That's all, that's what being a professional is. The way you show up is not about being a professional. It's about being yourself and your audience. Exactly the same people that you and me, that we are all exactly the same.

And we can not relate to total perfection. What we can relate to regular normal people that, yes, they're ahead of us because they've done something that we want to learn from them. That's why they're our coaches. But otherwise they are normal people. And that normality makes it so relatable and makes us want to be like them even more. Right? So as a coach, you being yourself is truly a gift to your audience. They really couldn't care less who you are, as long as they see you and the thing about faking it till you make it right. Which I absolutely hate the thing about faking it is if you continue faking it every time, at some point that facade is going to crack, and they're going to see a real you, and they'll be like, who is that person? You don't want to be different people. It's so much easier just to be yourself. And then you don't have to worry how you, how they see you. If you have to give the pretense of being someone else and continue looking professional, just be yourself. And your audience is going to be attracted to you. And if there are some people who are not attracted to you, well, they probably won't buy from you anyway. That's fine.

Lindsay (43:30):

Right? Yeah. That's, that's totally fine. It's quality over quantity. Yeah. This is, I love this conversation. I think, like you said, at the beginning, we'll probably, we could probably talk for hours and I think we, we definitely could. But we can't because we have other things, right. I didn't know. I know you guys can catch a Victoria live on her Facebook page. Ray, is that where you go live on your page or you're on my page yet?

Victoria (43:54):

I live on my page and then my Facebook group, but that one is only for my students. So you don't see me there on, unless you're my students, unless you might coach and client. But but yes, I am going to be live on my Facebook page. That's where you catch me on right now. It's on Fridays, but I'm not committing to it a hundred percent because I'm always feel, you know, and that's another thing. I'm just going to say it real quick. Yeah. Even if you decide, okay, so I'm committed. I'm just going to do it on Fridays. Right? That's how I feel right now. I'm just going to do it on Fridays and then several Fridays. And you feel like, Oh, Friday is such not a good day because halfway through Friday, already have other things and okay. So what if you told your audience you're going to go on Friday?

Victoria (44:36):

So next time you're going to come in on Tuesday, but on the second day, you're going to come in on Tuesday and say, guess what guys from this Tuesday on, it's going to be Tuesdays. Let me tell you why. Because on Friday you tell them and they relate to you again. It's all about having a conversation. It's all about being yourself. And it's not about putting any pressure on yourself because anytime you put pressure, that's when you're like, you know what, I'm just not going to do it at all. No, don't put pressure, make it work for you.

Lindsay (45:08):

So I'm on Fridays and I'm not going to listen to it, but just, just go and like her page and follow her. So then you'll be able to see when she goes live. And for me, like, I always think let's, let's see how we can make this as simple as possible. So I have client days Tuesdays through Thursdays. So I'm not going to wear my old hoodies and whatever the client calls. That's what I wear on Fridays because I don't have to take clients on Fridays. And I had to look at my calendar to make sure that I'm right. I don't, so I am not going to go live on a Friday cause I don't want to have to wear, you know, better clothes that day.

Victoria (45:42):

A hundred percent. 

Lindsay (45:46):

So can you pick something like, you know what, and I feel like I could look at my analytics on my page or my group and see when there's people more active and then that's what I'm going to go live, being more intentional. It makes you feel more confident. And then I think the key here is it, which was a huge light bulb moment for me, was creating that prep day before. Cause I think that's where we all can stumble is, Oh, I have to go live today. I have no idea what I'm talking about, putting it off till next week. So thank you for saying that because I'm definitely going to re create that recurring task the day before I go live. For sure. So thank you, Victoria. This was awesome. Let us let everyone know where they can find you. And then I know you have a free gift for everybody too.

Victoria (46:28):

Absolutely. You can find me on my website, www.byvictorial.com and my free gift to you. I have several free trainings. You can actually find my free training and right there on my website. So you don't even need any other link. You can just go to my website and you can grab my free training right there. And all of my trainings, trainings are focused on helping you build truly unshakable confidence. Igniting that confidence become and feeling confident, not just appearing confident because I'm all about truly feeling confident and then helping you overcome the fear of speaking and becoming that confident, compelling, and captivating speaker that you really want to be. So check out my website, grab your free training. And I hope to see you there.

Linsday (47:20):

Yes, we'll put Victoria's links in the show notes again, go follow her, go show her love on her lives and then go down to her free class. I'm sure it's going to help you take massive steps in your public speaking, virtually or your lives. Anything that makes you feel a little scared. You know, whether you're going live in your group on Instagram live, this will all help. It's not just Facebook. It's for everything in your business. And it is important. It is a great way to stand out because not everyone would do it. If it was easy, everyone would do it.

Victoria (47:51):

That's you know, it's only easy. It's not, it is easy. It is easy. If you make it easy, it's a decision. You'll have to broach it in a ways that I'm just going to make it. Non-Scary I'm going to make it as non-scary as possible. I'm going to focus on my audience. I'm not going to put any pressure on myself. I'm going to have a conversation with my audience and I'm going to make it easy.

Lindsay (48:18):

Just lie to yourself. That's what I just say. This is easy for me. This is easy for me. I mean, my son will say that while he's doing his work downstairs in our homeschool room, this is easy for me. And I'm thinking like, Oh my God, it is not.

Victoria (48:32):

Well at some point, if you truly believe it's easy, you're gonna, you're gonna treat it as an easy thing. You're not gonna overthink it. I think a lot of our fears come from all the thinking as well.

Lindsay (48:42):

Absolutely. And whereas we're amazing at overthinking things.

Victoria (48:45):

Big time. We're really good at that. 

Lindsay (48:49):

Just say that it's easy. Make it, do it your way. Not anyone else's, don't try to be anyone else we could go on and on about just, you know, you, you have all the confidence in the world and sometimes you just need to dig it back up again. And I think doing your first live and being consistent with it will give you even more confidence. So that's an easy way to get it.

Victoria (49:07):

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And, and good luck everyone. You are going to be amazing. Believe in yourself. Thank you, Lindsay. It was a pleasure.

Lindsay (49:20):

Before you go. I want to invite you to join my free Facebook group. Simply type dreamclientcommunity.com in your browser, request and I’ll happily go let you in. We have amazing coaches in there just like you, who are starting and scaling their business. And we would love to see you there.