Learn about practical tools high-achievers with high-functioning anxiety can use to become more calm, present, and confident with Tati Garcia.

Tati is a licensed therapist and a high-functioning anxiety coach who helps high-achievers become more calm, present, and confident so they can finally stop overthinking everything. She is the host of the podcast Calmly Coping and her goal is to provide high-achievers with practical tools, guidance, and education so they can achieve their full potential by taking care of themselves first.

Tati's Links:

https://www.becalmwithtati.com/ 

https://www.becalmwithtati.com/high-functioning-anxiety-quiz/ 

https://www.instagram.com/tatianaglpc/ 

https://calmlycoping.com/group

Episode Transcript:

Welcome back to the book your dream clients podcast. Today, we have Tatiana Garcia with us. Tati is a licensed therapist and a high functioning anxiety coach.

[00:00:24] We talk about the difference between anxiety and high functioning anxiety. And how it can affect you as a coach, as you are building your business online, going through all the feelings and the stages of growing your business. We talk about self care, overworking, all the things. This is an important episode to listen to.

[00:00:42] So sit back, relax and enjoy

[00:00:48] Tati, thank you so much for being on the Book Your Dream Clients podcast. I'm so excited you're with us today

[00:00:52] Tati: Thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.

[00:00:57] Lindsay: I have known Tati since probably the beginning of spring, I believe. She is a licensed therapist and a high-functioning anxiety coach. And when I first met her, I thought, oh my gosh, I've never met somebody who did this.

[00:01:11] And she has a special gift. So I'm excited to introduce her to everybody because she does have a lot of tools that could help. It's not just about anxiety, high functioning anxiety. If you don't know what that is. Listen, she's going to explain it. I hope. And we can talk about this more. So talk to you.

[00:01:26] Why don't you go ahead and take the wheel, let us know a little bit about yourself and how you got started. 

[00:01:32] Tati: Yeah. So I am a licensed therapist and I've been working in mental health for about 10 to 11 years now. And I specialize now in helping people with anxiety. Recently have become specialized in high functioning anxiety.

[00:01:50] So essentially what happened is you know, I started to realize that I had anxiety when I was in college. And once I was [00:02:00] learning more about mental health and studying psychology, and I didn't even realize what anxiety actually was before that, like I had heard of it, but I, I didn't understand it fully.

[00:02:11] So once I got that knowledge, then in hindsight, I realized that. I've probably had anxiety most of my life. And it was just something that I just thought it was a part of who I am. Like when I was younger, I was always called shy and like introverted. And I just thought that that was my personality.

[00:02:30] But now in hindsight, I realized that I was probably struggling with social anxiety and other types of anxiety. Just influencing me in my day today. And then once I worked through and started going to therapy and learning more about it then I got into the field of mental health and became a therapist in private practice.

[00:02:53] And also before that worked for mental health agencies. And at that point was when I think I [00:03:00] really started to struggle with what's considered high functioning anxiety. Which I think is a term that like a lot of people don't. Fully understand. And I think it's becoming more known recently, but essentially what it means.

[00:03:14] It's when somebody appears high achieving and successful on the outside and they might be even like an overachiever and a perfectionist. But on the inside, what's really driving their behaviors is fear and anxiety. And so they might be struggling with anxiety and overthinking and self doubt and insecurity from within maybe that's coming from oftentimes a fear of failure and a fear of judging.

[00:03:44] And so that's what my experience was, especially when I graduated from grad school and started to go into my career of becoming a therapist. I think that's when it manifested the most, [00:04:00] because I was putting all of this pressure on myself too. Be the best and overwork and always being busy and having difficulty relaxing and feeling like it was never good enough.

[00:04:12] And then it wasn't until I got to a point at my last job before I went into private practice. I essentially reached a point of like, whether you want to call it burnout or I, you know, I just had had enough. And I remember I was driving my car home from work and I got a call from as working in this program where we worked with landlords and I got a call from one of the landlords that they were annoyed with something.

[00:04:41] It wasn't anything major, but. It was like that moment where things clicked for me, where I just, there was this buildup of emotion and I just started crying and became angry. And I remember going home and I was just like, I can't, I can't do this anymore. Like, this is just way too much. [00:05:00] It's not worth working a job that, you know, I'm sacrificing my mental health for.

[00:05:05] So at that point I had already been working towards. Transitioning into private practice, but that was like the catalyst for me that I actually decided to quit sooner than that. And after that weekend, after talking it through and thinking it through with like my family and. Deciding that that was the best choice for me.

[00:05:25] I put in my notice and then ended up transitioning into private practice and then eventually started my coaching practice, where I specialize in helping high achievers, whether they're entrepreneurs, coaches, or professionals to really work through and overcome that high functioning anxiety, which is.

[00:05:47] Essentially what I described at that struggle of feeling as though you have to be the best and perfect and appearing that way on the outside, but on the inside, there's all of this [00:06:00] turmoil and struggle that's underneath. 

[00:06:03] Lindsay: I love your story. I've heard it before. And it, it always makes me think of that was like the last straw for you.

[00:06:08] Like, okay, I can't, I can't do this anymore. If I go beyond this point, I'm going to be a disaster. So I'm thinking that these high achievers are wondering, well, if I am a high achiever, this is working for me on the outside. How would I know that? I'm getting close to my breaking point because we don't want people to get to their breaking point.

[00:06:28] Right. So what are some signs that we can talk about? So they don't get to that point, like. 

[00:06:35] Tati: Yeah, I think that's really important to know. So some signs, it might vary from person to person, but you know, some signs could be that maybe they're struggling with physical symptoms of anxiety because anxiety can be very physical.

[00:06:49] So it might feel like an increased heart rate. Difficulty taking deep breaths could be on the extreme and maybe. Panic attacks, which feel like you might be having a [00:07:00] heart attack, but it could also be things like numbness in your body or sweating or muscle tension. And so that's the physical things that you might notice when it comes to emotions.

[00:07:13] You might start to notice an increase in irritability, maybe like you're snapping at family members, significant others. People at work. You are feeling like you don't have as much patience. You might start to feel dread about the future. Like you know, things are going to be bad and you know, this looming feeling of something bad might be happening.

[00:07:37] And when it comes to your way of thinking, some warning signs might be that you can't stop overthinking things, and you're constantly over-analyzing everything and you're having a lot of negative thoughts and you're constantly doubting yourself. You're feeling as though it's never good enough.

[00:07:58] And then maybe there might be [00:08:00] changes in your behaviors and that might be things like overworking and never taking rests or breaks. Things like that. Having difficulty saying no to people or difficulty asking for help can be signs that you've reached that point where it's just become too much.

[00:08:22] I think other signs can be when it comes to your behaviors, that feeling of, if you do take a break or if you do rest or relax, Everything's going to fall apart. So that intense fear of failure, or sometimes it can even come up in procrastination where you keep putting things off because you want it to be perfect.

[00:08:47] And those are just some of those signs. 

[00:08:50] Lindsay: I can relate to, if I take a break, everything will fall apart. Whether it's my business or even with my nine to five, I always [00:09:00] feel like, okay, if I take a full day off and I come back, everything's going to be a disaster. So I only take a few hours off at a time.

[00:09:07] So when we're talking to the coach who is listening to this, whether they have a nine to five and they feel the same way I do, or towards your business, especially when you're doing it by yourself, like you don't have any, you don't have a virtual assistant, you don't have anybody to run things by or help you.

[00:09:22] How can you tell if this is. Something that is normal for the coach who feels completely overwhelmed with everything that they're doing. And they do have a little bit of anxiety in their system. How can you talk to them? Because you know what it feels like to be an online coach. So talk to those coaches right now about everything that they have on their plate and how they can balance this.

[00:09:46] Tati: Yeah, I think you had mentioned like, how do we know if this is normal? Because I think that some of that is definitely normal. You know, anytime that you're transcending a new stage, when it comes to being a coach [00:10:00] or an entrepreneur, it comes with new challenges and definitely experiencing things like a fear is a normal human emotion.

[00:10:08] I think that. When it gets to the point where you feel as though fear is holding you back from doing the things that you want. And it's really getting in your way. Because fear is essentially it's the root of that anxiety that's happening. And the anxiety occurs just when your body is going into this physiological state of fight or flight.

[00:10:31] And so you feel as though you need to protect yourself. And so you're. Physical and psychological processes are happening. So when that fear is preventing you from doing the things that you want to do, and whether that's a fear of going live or a fear of let's say going on a discovery call with a client or any other fear that [00:11:00] it's.

[00:11:01] Something that's getting in the way. And I think it's important to differentiate between the fear that is holding you back and maybe something that's just a preference. Because I think sometimes it can be. Difficult to distinguish, like, is this something that I don't want to do because it's just something that doesn't align with me or it doesn't feel authentic, or is it something that you don't want to do because you're afraid of the outcome and you don't want to risk failure or judgment or anything else.

[00:11:38] So I think that. An important place to start as making that differentiation, which I think can take time and can start with recognizing first, what are your values? And what's important to you and what are your goals when it comes to coaching and then teasing out, you know, [00:12:00] how can you get there in the way that.

[00:12:02] Authentic to you. Hope that makes sense. 

[00:12:05] Lindsay: Total sense. I love how you kind of made some differences. Like it could be this or this, does it feel aligned with your goals and where you want to go as a business? And I think that's never been more important than ever. Right now with all of the things that require us to be so front and center in growing our business, it's not just, oh, well write a blog post and I can grow my business.

[00:12:28] It's different now. You know, when I first started 10 years ago, so I could just write a blog, post hope my mom reads it and then call it good. Right. But now it's like, get on video record pod. Put your face out there, let everyone hear your voice. That is terrifying to some people. So how does it feel as a high functioning anxiety?

[00:12:48] Someone who has this to do all these things, like how can, how does that feel? And then how can they get into a place where they probably, maybe they want to do it. Maybe they want to do a reel or maybe they [00:13:00] want to record a podcast. How can they get to that 

[00:13:02] Tati: point? Yeah. So it's funny because I used to be, if you looked at me even like three years ago, I had zero social media.

[00:13:14] I was super private. I was like against social media. I was like, I, I just want to live my life. I don't need to put myself out there. And now, you know, I have a podcast posting YouTube videos, posting reels, like putting myself out there. And so, you know, I think for anybody who's thinking like this judge.

[00:13:35] Isn't who I am, or, you know, I just can't do this, this isn't my personality style. Or, you know, I'm just too anxious to do this. Those are things that you can learn to overcome. You know, I think that there's this expectation that you need to have a certain personality type or be extroverted or do things a certain way in order to market your business.

[00:13:59] But I [00:14:00] think the reality is that these are all just skills that can be learned. And any time that you have a desire, you know, that doesn't mean that you have to constantly be putting yourself out there. If that's something that you really don't feel aligns with you. But anytime that you can take a gradual step in the direction of discomfort is, is.

[00:14:24] You facing fear and are you working towards overcoming that anxiety? The thing is, anytime you're doing something new, it's going to feel uncomfortable, but facing that discomfort and those uncomfortable emotions is a necessary part of growth. So if you. Are trying to do something and you notice feelings of anxiety or the fear of like, well, what if this goes wrong?

[00:14:51] Or what if I look stupid? Or what if people judge me. Those thoughts are gonna come up, but you know, you have the [00:15:00] choice to decide. Are you going to listen to those thoughts and see them as facts? Or are you going to just recognize that maybe this is your brain trying to protect you from failure and from.

[00:15:15] Uncomfortable emotions that come up as a result of failure or judgment or anything else that you might be afraid of. And do it anyway. And I think a good way to do that is taking baby steps. You know, gradually working up the ladder. If you have a longterm goal of like going alive, you know, maybe starting with a baby step of justice.

[00:15:39] Posting a 15 second story on Instagram once a week, and then like starting to work your way up from there, because that is essentially how you build these skills and how you face this anxiety. The only way to face that fear and anxiety is to do the thing and take action. That's the [00:16:00] number one way that you're going to grow and actually overcome the things that are holding you back.

[00:16:08] Lindsay: I love how you pointed out that you just need to take baby steps. You don't have to just go live for an hour if you've never done anything before you don't have to do that. And I think we make up so many stories in our head about what could happen. And it's like this little devil on your shoulder, like.

[00:16:25] Your family is going to see you, or they're going to wonder what you're doing, or your friends are going to see you. And they have no idea. I even started this business. I'm going to look stupid. What if I forget what to say? Like we just play these things over and over in our head. I remember one of the first times I ever went, I think I went live when Instagram story first started.

[00:16:45] And I was talking about list building and nobody was talking, nobody was watching me, but I was like, oh, that's okay. I'm in my office. Somebody will watch it eventually. And then my brother popped on it and it was watching me and I thought I was going to die. [00:17:00] But that happened for a reason. It completely broke the ice of me being nervous.

[00:17:04] And it was, yeah, it's funny. When I think about like, I felt my heart bursting out of my chest and I thought, yeah, Why did you have to come and watch me right now? I was so mad at him, but it's like, you're gonna, there's going to be things in your business that are going to freak you out because they're new.

[00:17:20] You never started a business before you weren't born a business owner. And so everything that you do is going to be different. And there's going to be some things that are really going to push you out of your comfort zone. But I think it's important to always go back to what talk to you said it doesn't even align to where you want your business to be and know that you don't have to do all the things in order to be successful.

[00:17:41] It's important to feel competent in yourself. I think educating yourself builds up so much more confidence in whether it's, you know, educating who you are or what you want to do. It builds up confidence. So you can move forward because if you have no idea where you're going. Planting you in [00:18:00] the middle of nowhere with no map.

[00:18:02] But if you do have things that you know about yourself and the things are going to be approaching, that makes a huge difference. So how do you educate people on high-functioning anxiety? You have a podcast. What else do you have? 

[00:18:16] Tati: Yeah, I have a podcast which kind of doubles as a YouTube channel because I posted on YouTube and a blog and I also have.

[00:18:27] Coaching that I offer people in courses to educate people on anxiety and high functioning anxiety. And, you know, I definitely agree that that education piece is so important because I often say this, that awareness is the first step to making any change, whether it is a change in your personal development and your mental health, or whether it's a change in your business, you know, you have to become aware of where you presently are.

[00:18:55] In order to recognize what's helping you. What's not helping [00:19:00] you and where you currently are and you know, the way that you're thinking about things or viewing things so that then you can take the next step to make the changes that will help you to feel ultimately happier, because I think that's what everybody wants and to accomplish the things that you want for yourself.

[00:19:22] Lindsay: I've worked with so many clients and students and they love what they do. And a big thing that I see is they will work on their business every moment they can. And they don't feel like that is wrong because they love it. But what is the problem with that topic? 

[00:19:40] Tati: Yeah, I think that's a big thing that a lot of people do.

[00:19:44] And I get stuck into that, you know, when you feel passionate about something and when it's important to you, you want to do it all the time. And I think that can turn into a problem because. You know, first of [00:20:00] all, you're when you're constantly working on something and doing something that prevents you from having perspective.

[00:20:06] And sometimes I think you need that perspective of stepping away from something to allow your brain to process and work through things. I like to look at it as inputs versus outputs. The more that you're taking in, let's say if you're constantly listening, listening to things like listening to podcasts or you know, taking courses or Working on new things in your business.

[00:20:30] Those are all great things in and of themselves. But when you're constantly taking things in and not allowing your brain, the space to work through them and process them like even one way that I love to do that is just going for a walk in the afternoon sometimes like with no phone, no music or anything, and just.

[00:20:52] Allowing my brain to just wander and think or whether it's through journaling or [00:21:00] meditation that allows you to just take that time that your brain needs needs, especially if you're prone to stress and anxiety to just kind of like breathe and just. Work through all of the stuff that you've been taking in and process it so that you're able to make sense of it.

[00:21:21] So I think that can be one of the things that you lose when you're constantly working and doing that time that your brain needs to work through information. And that's why. Let's say, if you've ever noticed you get your best ideas in the shower, or sometimes it will happen for me that I'll get ideas like when I'm driving somewhere.

[00:21:43] Because those are the times where your brain isn't occupied with like doing something. And that's actually, when those ideas are gonna come to you, because you're just allowing yourself to be. But I think we need more than just the time in the shower. So that's, that's why constantly working in doing [00:22:00] isn't going to be serving you.

[00:22:02] Business in the long run. And I think another problem is then you're not allowing yourself to rest physically. The thing is that we have these signs and signals that our body gives us that we've been taught to push through when it comes to that desire and that pressure to constantly be working.

[00:22:22] For example, some of them might be. An increase in irritability or feeling tired or feeling hungry or feeling bored. These are all signs and signals that your body needs to take a break or needs to take a rest, even if it's just 15 minutes. And when you continue to push through and ignore these signals, then.

[00:22:44] Hm, putting you closer towards like burning yourself out. And then when you continue to do that in the long run, that's going to bring you to that point of like I described earlier, like that last straw, where then you don't feel that passion or motivation for [00:23:00] what you're doing because you've just started to grow tired essentially.

[00:23:06] And you. Like a battery or like a computer, you know, you haven't recharged your batteries. And so I think that's another consequence that can happen when you feel that desire to always work. I think that we can go in. Phases in life go in phases. So there might be periods of time where you're spending more time working.

[00:23:27] And especially in the beginning of growing your business and your coaching practice, then you might be working more. But I think it's important to balance that with periods of rest and recharging and ensure that you're regularly taking that time to care for your mental and your physical health. 

[00:23:48] Lindsay: I love that you pointed out that we deserve more time than what we do get in the shower to come up with great ideas.

[00:23:54] And I always think I come up with really good ideas when I do the dishes, because I'm just doing the dishes and [00:24:00] I'm looking out the window and I can't do anything else. And, or in the garden or doing something that there's no technology around and I can, which, which kind of stinks sometimes. Cause then you have nowhere to write anything down, but.

[00:24:13] We deserve so much more than that. And sometimes it can be really difficult, you know, I have kids and I have so many things going on and there's other coaches out there who are like, okay, I hear about self-care. And I think that's for people who have time, how could I make time for self care? And why is that even important?

[00:24:30] Tati: Hmm. Yeah. And I think that that's a common struggle that people feel as though they don't have time and I totally hear you. And, and sometimes it can be hard to find time for self-care. And the thing is that. You know, I think one barrier is that people might be putting too much too, like too high of expectations, which, you know, coming from, if you're a high achiever, that's common.

[00:24:57] Like you, if you want to start something and [00:25:00] practice self care, you might think like, well, I need to you know, have this routine every morning of like two hours and do all these things, whatever it is. But the reality is that you can. Lower these expectations and just start with the path of least resistance and any period of time that you can fit in a little bit of self-care is going to be helpful, even if it's just like five to 10 minutes at a time.

[00:25:27] Even if it's the practice of just stopping and taking some deep breaths and closing your eyes or doing something that you really enjoy. Like. I don't know. I mentioned going for a walk or watching a show that you enjoy or anything else that's going to like that phrase of filling up your cup.

[00:25:51] That's going to help you show up as your best self when it comes to your business, your family, any of your relationships. Because it's that cliche [00:26:00] that like, you can't pour with an empty cup. And I think of the thing that gets in the way for a lot of people as well, is this idea that it's selfish to take care of yourself.

[00:26:11] And I hear this come up a lot, especially with parents and mothers that, you know, they feel as though they need to take care of everybody else first. And then they come last like it's this idea that like, you know, everybody else gets. They help first and then make them last. But this is a problem because.

[00:26:31] The essentially burnout comes from giving, giving, and giving and never taking back for yourself and never taking care of yourself. So you're really doing a disservice to your business, to your family, to your children when you're constantly giving to others and never taking back and taking care of yourself.

[00:26:55] So, yeah. It's really important that you do take, even if it's like 5, [00:27:00] 10, 15 minutes a day to take care of yourself, maybe it's when you first wake up in the morning or before you go to bed at night. Because that's going to allow you to show up better for. Everybody else in your life? 

[00:27:13] Lindsay: Oh yes. I think everyone has to find their own way, the way.

[00:27:17] And we see people on social media talking about it and we, I think it's intimidating because their style of self-care doesn't fit into our us our lives. And so we feel like we're doing something wrong and you have to shut all of that off and figure out what we're, what works best for you. So for me, I have to get up earlier than everybody.

[00:27:36] And if that means I am up in the, in the door, Almost every day. That's okay. Because I needed to be ready and I need to fill my cup. I needed to do my workout and you'd have my first cup of coffee before all of my kids start coming down the stairs because otherwise, I feel completely off. If I got up when, after they get up, I just, I can't do it.

[00:27:57] It just, it gives me the anxiety to think about, [00:28:00] so you have to find out what works best for you and those moments at night when everyone's asleep. And you can just like breathe because it feels like you've been. Add it all day long, right? They can be long days and you're serving others and your business and your family, and it's constantly being pulled from you.

[00:28:17] So I have to fill up my cup at night and in the morning, how do you fill your cup? Talk to you. 

[00:28:22] Tati: Yeah, I do both as well, you know, in the morning I like to journal and get out my thoughts and I think that's a great way. Great place to start. Is becoming more aware of your emotions and your mood because that's starting with.

[00:28:37] Awareness piece. So that's really important for me to kind of like do a brain dump of my thoughts. Exercise is something that really helps my mental health. So I try to make it a point to go for a run or do some sort of exercise in the morning. And that can really help when it comes to anxiety and stress, because essentially.

[00:28:59] Anxiety is [00:29:00] just a buildup of energy because what happens, like I mentioned that fight flight or freeze response. So just to simplify things, when your body feels as though there's some sort of danger, whether it's real or imagined. You're going to have physical responses that occur with anxiety it's often imagined.

[00:29:23] So it's often this fear of what, if something bad happens or the worst-case scenario, but all of the. Hormones are rushing through your body and cortisol and other things are getting you ready to fight or to run away. So when that happens on a regular basis, and you're not doing something physical to release that energy then it's going to build up into anxiety.

[00:29:49] So that's why doing things physical can really help, even if it's just going for a walk to get out some of that anxious energy that might come up. And then I kind of [00:30:00] sidetracked off of my routine, but I also at night we'll do like meditation or recently I've been doing breath work which is really helpful as well to like calm my mind.

[00:30:12] Lindsay: I love how you said anxiety is just a buildup of energy. I think that's such a perfect example. And it's like I see maybe changes in moods in the winter, like where I, where I'm from, it's too cold in the winter. So not a lot of people can go outside and, and work off that energy going for walks or in the garden.

[00:30:31] And it just kind of builds up and it can go into depression and all of those things. So it's so important to be aware of how you're feeling and how you can take care of yourself. In your own way, and it's important to educate yourself. So talk to you, we're going to put all of your links in the show notes.

[00:30:46] Can you let us know how everyone can find you so they can learn more about, about this? 

[00:30:51] Tati: Yeah. So you can find me at becalmwithtati.com. Also, Instagram @TatianaGLPC [00:31:00] and on I have a Facebook group for high achievers with high functioning anxiety called calmly coping. You can find that at calmlycoping.com/group.

[00:31:10] Lindsay: Amazing. Thank you so much for being on the podcast. Talk to you. It was great talking with you and I hope everyone goes and shows talk to you that they listened to the episode, and I'm sure she will answer any questions 

[00:31:20] Tati: that you might have. Thanks so much for having me.